Personal Journey

Christine Clevenger: Overcoming A Bitter Childhood

Psalm 68:6 –God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing;

At first glance, Christine Clevenger’s childhood seemed to contradict that verse. An identical twin with three other siblings she had plenty of family and she still grew up feeling unloved, insecure and lonely.

“My mother showed my sister and me no affection,” she explained. My dad was gone all the time, working. I thought he probably loved me because he did buy us presents at Christmas.” Despite his good-paying career as a chemical engineer, the children were rarely indulged. “My mother grew up a poor Irish-Catholic and she prided herself on being able to do without. We lived on the outskirts of a nice neighborhood and went to school with rich kids but in some ways that made doing without worse.”

By high school Christine was as angry as she was insecure. “I tried to find what I was looking for with boyfriends. That really didn’t work. I was just so bitter and very jealous of people who had a good relationship with their parents.”

At Texas A&M, she fell in love with the man who would become her husband. “His mom was great to me. She became the mother I didn’t have.” Despite the assurance that “Ron would always love me,” resentment toward her own mother continued to hamper her life—even after her marriage.

“My mom’s own anger and bitterness just welled up, and at the age of 53 she died of cancer. I hated her so much. I was glad when she died. I also really worried that I wouldn’t know how to love my own children.”

Soon after her mother’s death, Christine’s father suffered a heart attack. His secretary began to share Jesus with him. To everyone’s surprise, he became a Christian and married the woman who led him to the Lord. “We didn’t take it too seriously. I just thought he wanted to marry her and this was her pre-condition,” Christine said.

Then Christine noticed a change in her dad. “It was huge. I mean, growing up we never even had conversations with our parents. Now he was telling us he loved us.”

By then, the Clevengers moved to Idaho to be close to Ron’s parents. “I remember laying in bed one night. I was pregnant with my daughter and my oldest boy was four, and I realized I wanted to have a real relationship with God. I said, ‘I’m not finding what I need in the Catholic Church and I just don’t want to walk in somewhere.’” When her stepmother shared the Gospel of Christ with her, Christine accepted Jesus as her savior. “I knew something was different right away,” she recalled.

Shortly thereafter, the wife of one of Ron’s co-workers invited her to Calvary Chapel. Christine quickly became involved in a flurry of church-related activities. She still carried a heart-full of bitterness.

“Then, at a retreat, a couple of sisters who only knew a tiny bit of my story grabbed me and said that I needed to forgive my mom. I prayed to do that and it was gone in a blinking of an eye. It’s never returned.”

Instead, she is grateful for the experience. “I am so thankful now looking back on all we went through because it makes the love of Christ so much sweeter, just to know that I am His. He will always love me. He’s given me the family I always wanted. My mother-in-law accepted the Lord a year of so after I did. I have a great relationship with my own kids and my husband. Jesus has done it all.”

Christine Clevenger teaches a Bible study for women, Wednesday mornings at 9:30. She also coordinates all the ladies’ studies.

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